A setback is a setup for a comeback [NQM032]

“One of the things we know with absolute certainty is that we all struggle, we all face adversity and have been tempted to quit. We all have asked ourselves, “How am I going to get through this?”. Once you know someone that has been through not only what you need to get through but worse, and they not only survived but thrived, that is impactful, that is perspective. That is why I remind myself over and over again when faced with an obstacle, is it really that big of a deal? Even though I had to work three times as hard as almost everyone else just to be average, I certainly did not have it the worst.” - Shay Eskew

At age 8, Shay Eskew suffered severe burns over 65% of his body, losing his right ear and melting his right arm to his body, warned by doctors he would never be able to live an athletic lifestyle. More than 36 years and 35 surgeries later, he has run more than 30 Ironman 140.6 and 70.3 triathlons and is ranked top 1% of Ironman worldwide. He is also an executive VP, bestselling author, public speaker, and father of 5 kids. He exemplifies not giving into excuses and thinking about all the reason why you can’t do something, and instead focus on the reasons why you can.

His bestselling book, What the Fire Ignited, details how he choose not to succumb to his injuries and instead rise above them. The lessons he shares to overcome the trials and tribulations that go along with being a major burn survivor at age 8 are useful lessons for life in general, regardless of one’s health. His story highlights his ability to turn unthinkable tragedy into boundless inspiration, and the power of the mind.

Along with his public speaking gigs, Shay has been the guest on several podcasts, including Team Never Quit and Ultra Habits, some of the highlights are below:

On becoming comfortable in his own skin: One of the things that became very apparent was, this is as good as its going to get. No amount of praying, crying, begging, is going to take away these scars. Once you have that moment of realization, you realize that if people are going to make fun of you, you have to beat them to the punch. I can’t change these scars. So when I went back to school and those same kids would say “hey it’s Freddy Krueger”, I would answer, yes, I will see you in your dreams tonight. And that put an end to that real quick.

On the role of athletics in recovery: I don’t have any nerves or sweat glands on the side of my body. You can cut me and I wouldn’t feel it. They were fearful I could get cut and bleed out without realizing it. My dad inserted additional padding in my shoulder pads so I could go out there and bud heads with those guys. I was absolutely the worst player on the field, but for 60 minutes every Saturday, I felt like a normal kid. That’s all I wanted, just give me a shot to prove what I can do. The more changes I have taken and the more times I have put myself out there, the more opportunities have presented themselves. Others will perceive you the way you perceive yourself. I did not want to be the burn survivor, I didn’t want to shape my identity around that.

On the benefit of facing adversity: I felt like if I was truly a great athlete, people wouldn’t see the scars. They would say that kids is a good athlete, instead of saying hey there is the burn kid. I didn’t want to be the burn kid. When I wrestled, I wanted to make sure they saw my scars during the weigh-ins and realize I have been through hell and back, and I am going to give you a taste of it once we step on this mat. That is what drives it. It is a respect to have earned them, it’s a rite of passage. And you don’t have to get burned and scarred over 65% of your body to realize that potential. Challenging yourself and putting yourself through trials and tribulations will have a similar effect.

On perspective and just figuring it out: One of the things we know with absolute certainty is that we all struggle, we all face adversity and have been tempted to quit. We all have asked ourselves, “How am I going to get through this?” And once you know someone that has been through not only what you need to get through but worse, and they not only survived but thrived. That is impactful. Bad things happen to good people. There is no reason to blame society, you just have to make the most of it and figure out  once I get through this, what else in life can I do that I never thought was possible.

On not wanting to change the past: People often ask me, Shay if you could go back to 1982, would you still have walked across the street and told that girl about the yellow jackets?” if you had asked me that at 13, 18, or even 24 years old, I would say hell yes I would change that. There was no reason I could possibly image having me go through the torture and torment again. But now that I am on the other side of it, I wouldn’t change a single thing. I realize I have not missed out on anything in life. Did I have to work three times as hard as everyone else just to be average? Yes I did, but that makes everything so much more worth it.

Getting started on the new path: Due to the severity of the burns covering 65% of my body, the doctors told them I would never be competitive in sports again. What they did not know at the time, is that is the message I needed to hear. There is nothing in life that gets me more fired up than telling me I can’t do something. Once you tell me that, I will spend every living breath trying to prove you wrong, and that is what I have done. This is what set me on the path that I have been on, and I’m very grateful for it.

On breaking points: We definitely have our breaking points as parents at time. But then I think about folks that cannot have kids, for whatever reason, or have lost a kid, would give anything to have 5 rowdy kids. They would love to have kids that say I don’t want to eat my dinner. That is what I remind myself over and over again when faced with an obstacle, is it really that big of a deal? My worst day case scenario may be someone else’s best day scenario. And you can treat most every day scenarios like this.

On not giving in to excuses: I had people ask me, when are you writing your book? I kept telling them I don’t have time, I have 5 kids, a full time job, and train 15 hours a week. Ultimately those were just excuses. Don’t sit there and think about all the reasons why you can’t, instead focus on the reason why you can. If I want to live an extraordinary life, live the life 1% of people get to live, I have to do things 99% of people don’t want to do.